From Where I'm Standing

I'm not a huge fan of autumn... Mostly because it's the realization of the fact that summer is over. Gone. For 9 and a half more months. This fall, however, I am trying to stay as positive as possible... I got this. (Till it snows for the first time. Then I'm done.)

Last night, I had the privilege to see remnants of the Dead Sea Scrolls, first printed Bibles, and fractions of the Iliad with two wonderful friends of mine. We marveled over the pieces and listened to a man in a silly hat attempt to make jokes about Christians, Agnostics, and Atheists all at the same time (Skill? More like fail.)

Shortly after this, our real adventure began. A nasty funnel cake that made the non-diabetic feel sick, an adorable old man, and some bragging on Jesus-doings happened while we waited for the Most Awesome Barista to finish cleaning up the castle. We took pictures, Mr. Tumnus hissed at me, and we found a knight in dull armor (My guess is that too many girls hung on his arms, making the armor less than shining. Girls these days...) When the MAB finally finished cleaning the castle, we headed out to the car only to find that MAB and his SB brother had mixed up their car keys, so we had the wrong keys. (Don't ask.) (Unless you're wondering what SB stands for... Which is "sexy beast", of course.) After more picture taking of light posts, silhouettes, and gangsters, we were off! To Taco Bell! And Village Inn! Yeah buddy! While at VI, we got some pretty decent cheese fries and managed to severely irritate our waitress. (Like a boss) At about the same time, we all got a little slap happy (hap slappy?) and I laughed so hard, I almost peed my pants. Thankfully, the bathroom was right next to our booth. Mixture of grossness and a lifesaver right there. We decided to go to Mickey D's and get crappy coffee (Starbucks was already closed) and blared Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You".

On our way home, my two wonderful friends (we had ditched MAB at this point) talked about brokenness, families, healing, Papa's miracles, and promises. Seriously, the best first night of fall I have ever had. Pretty crazy weird but ridiculously wonderful.

These moments, these people, the laughter, and beautiful insanity. THIS is why I can face tomorrow with a smile. This is why I'm keeping my head up. So I can let my hair down and belt out love songs with my buddies as we laugh like seals. Boom.

~ Jayla Moi

"I don't recall a single care. Just greenery and humid air. Then Labor day came and went. And we shed what was left of our summer skin.."- Death Cab For Cutie


Like most teenagers, especially girls, I adore summer. With constant warmth radiating over your skin, laughing into the cool nights with friends, bbq and fresh fruit, staying up until the early morning and sleeping until its after noon... Driving with the windows down as the gentle breeze rushes through your hair. Flip flops, cut off shorts, tank tops, and sunglasses. If you are fortunate enough, there is sand between your toes at some point, as you play in some sort of water. Whether it be the hose in your backyard, a creek, river, lake, or (the best) an ocean. Every now and then, you sometimes experience a "summer love" (Cue Justin Timberlake's song that may or may not have played over 100 times on my ipod in the past 8 weeks...)

This summer was possibly my absolute most favorite summer I've experienced yet. I don't say that because I say every summer is my favorite or because my summer was "perfect". (What does that even mean?) I say that because it wasn't perfect, but my word, was it fantastic...

On May 19th, I graduated from High School (Reason #1) with some of my dearest friends. My family flew out for this special day and we had a good time together, as far as my family goes. The day before my graduation, my best friend/heart twin, left for a mission trip to Mexico, working with deaf kids for 11 weeks. Don't get me wrong, I was stoked for her! This was a dream she has been aching to fill and I knew without a doubt that it was where she was supposed to be. I am human however, and was bummed out she wouldn't be there to celebrate with me. Even more than that, I was sad she wouldn't be there to go through the summer with me.

Fast forward to June (because nothing really happened until then). I worked at a camp nearby called Wings Like Eagles, a horse vaulting program that works with kids of all ages and abilities. Same as last year, I was a vaulting coach, which means I am in charge of teaching 25+ kids how to safely do gymnastics tricks on the back of a moving horse. Unlike last year, the 2 guys that helped me teach (actually, it was more like I helped them. They were beasts.) moved and were unable to help out. Sooo, I basically had to train two 9th grade boys to become coaches AND coach the campers. No pressure. Somehow, I lived through that whole mess and surprisingly had a wonderful time with the campers. At the end of the two weeks, the 9th grade boys were like my brothers. In all honesty, it was pretty fantastic.(Reason #2)

In the midst of sweat, horse muck, child noises, and leadership struggles, I found my summer love... Wow, that sounded even more cheesy than it did in my head. Regardless. (Reason #3) It was more like my love found me during the summer heat. You see, this boy and I met waaaaay back in 10th grade. We were partnered up in Biology (no, not chemistry... Though there was some, if ya know what I mean ;) He has dark brown hair, fair skin, and blue eyes I consistently get lost in. Typical? Not even close. The thing about this boy that is so flippin' attractive is that he truly understands me. In the middle of camp, we went to get coffee and sat at the edge of the lake in our town. I think it was the first time we had ever hung out, just the two of us for an intentionally long amount of time. Levi and I talked for literally 5 hours. (Helloooo summer!) From our favorite books to Disney movies to analyzing characters to guns to graffiti to cooking to places we want to travel. (Told you. Five. Freaking. Hours.) We named a muskrat, "Tony", and counted the cars on the trains passing by as the sun set above the mountains. We flirted (Nothing new. We were kinda flirting buddies before) and joked. The night grew cool and Levi got his jacket from his car for me to wear. (He said he brought it for me because he knows how I'm almost always cold) We lay down on the combination of sand and thin grass and watched the stars... Out of nowhere, Levi began to sing one of my favorite songs, the one that I was singing in my head. (We can read each others minds. NBD) He took me home and walked me to my door. I gave him a hug goodbye and he held me longer than expected. Right as he slowly released me from his arms, he kissed the top of my head, "G'night.." I murmured a goodnight back and went inside. Part of me was like, "Did that really just happen?" And the rest of me was like, "It didn't mean anything, you're just his buddy." Turns out I wasn't just his buddy because the beautiful blue eyed wonderful kid kissed me while we were watching a movie at my house a few days later. My exact thought when that happened? "Oh my word. Levi actually finally kissed me. ME!!" Wanna know what he said? "I know. I actually finally kissed you." (See? Its like we have the same brain or something) (Also... Reason #4)

A lot of wonderful things happened over the summer, things that are too deep and too serious for this silly boy-raving post. (Reason #5-9)

I won't prattle on further about this guy and his eyes but I will say that its been difficult to accept the fact that this was really just a "summer love". I would have been totally okay with it becoming a real relationship, but the timing just isn't right. So I shed my summer skin, try not to cling to August, and embrace the fantastic reality that he is still my best friend. Because even after we decided "we" wouldn't work at the moment, he is still my best friend. (Reason #10)

I couldn't ask for a better best friend.


~ Kayla Joi

I see you joking, hoping no one can tell how you're hiding behind that smile I know so well. Take a step back. Get another perspective. You might see things a little bit different. People these days get too obsessive with the assessment of themselves through the eyes of those around them. The mayhem begins when fear and pride come, walking side by side, and invite themselves in. Then you contemplate, formulate ideas that aid the hate. This hate is an attack on your slate. Trying to create marks forming you into a work made of lies and pain. They tell you you're not worth it, drawing light to your past mistakes. "This is proof! You'll never be desired that way." These lies have a volume, going up and down. But the 'off switch' button can't be found. During the day, through the night. They become your companion, they won't leave your side. At times you doubt them and start to appeal for Truth. Deep inside, you know they're lies. So you decide to stand up and fight. The battle is difficult and draining. You find yourself desperately seeking for a way out. You just want to run. Keep in mind this battle has already been won. You aren't sure of it, this victory. Yet its just around the bend. You wait and see. Its hard to take comfort in the unknown. Especially when you feel like you're alone. Trust is hard, I understand. But fall into His arms if you can. And remember He knows, He has an Ultimate Plan. Your entire life, it lies in His hands.

In honor of the amazing time we had at Jesus Culture, Colorado Springs on Saturday Night. :)

Its the end of Easter weekend... I spent Sorrowful Friday with my sisters as we knelt before the foot of the cross together, weeping. A few different things became more clear to me that evening. The heart of the disciples during that day and the next day was what hit me the hardest. Having your dearest friend brutally abused, beaten, stabbed, ripped, torn, and very broken right before your eyes... Seeing Him take His last breath. Repeating His words in your head over and over, trying to make sense of them... Jesus' buddies didn't know He was going to come back to life a few days later. To them, He was gone.


Last night, I found out a wonderful young man that helped a lot with my youth group died in a rock climbing accident. I didn't know him very well... We had only talked a few times. Yet I always enjoyed just being around him and watching him interact with others. His smile lit up the whole room. He accepted everyone, regardless of where they've been. He was crazy about life... Wore rolled up jeans, flannels, a knit beanie over his dreaded dark blonde hair, and tried not to wear shoes as much as possible. Such a hippie.. He had this excited look in his eyes, making you want to know of all the adventures he had been on. He seemed to genuinely love those around him, even if he didn't know them that well.

This morning I woke up and instead of rejoicing at remembrance of Christ's Resurrection, I felt so heavy. For a few minutes, I couldn't figure out why. Then I recalled last night. I lay in bed for another half an hour, just thinking.

"How could he be gone?"

Part of me feels selfish for grieving his death, simply because I wasn't close to him. So who am I to be able to grieve the loss of him?

The rest of me is in shock... Only a few weeks ago, I passed him in the hall and said, "Hey!" thinking he had a great smile. I will never see his smile again. How simple smiles are... But the impact they have... It blows my mind.


Where ever you are in life, whoever you are around... Smile. You don't know how much longer you have here on earth to do that simple action. You don't know who is watching you, thinking, "That person has a great smile." You don't know who needs a gentle touch of warmth that you can give by smiling. What I do know is that our time here is so terribly short. Savor each moment, live intentionally, create memories, love deeply, and remember that every breath is a second chance.

"Hold onto the small things and make them worth fighting for"