In My Arms
11:02 AM"In My Arms" by Plumb
Your baby blues
So full of wonder
Your curly cues
Your contagious smile
And as I watch,
you start to grow up
All I can do is hold you tight
Knowing, clouds will rage in
Storms will race in
But you will be safe, in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms
Story books are full of fairy tales
Of kings and queens and the bluest skies
My heart is torn just in knowing
You'll someday see the truth from lies
Knowing, clouds will rage in
Storms will race in
But you will be safe, in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms
Castles, they might crumble
Dreams may not come true
But you are never all alone
Because I will always
Always love you
Clouds will rage in
Storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms
Its been six months since my babies with blue eyes moved to Maine... In the past 213 days since I've held them, I've screamed and cried and pounded my fists into God's chest asking Him, "Why? Why did you take them from me? Why did you let them leave?" But He just let me and kept whispering, "Because I have a greater plan than you know of". However, my own rages downed out His gentle answer. It wasn't until a few weeks ago that I finally stopped yelling. No more screams could escape my throat... It was too raw. No more tears could flood my face and drench my pillow at night... My eyes were dried up. I couldn't raise my fist to hit anything, for I was too weak. Because of this, I could hear Papa's consistent, still gentle whisper, "I have a greater plan than you know of". I doubted this. I'm not sure why... It wasn't because I had this idea that He didn't have a greater plan. It wasn't because I doubted Papa's greatness. I think it was because the pain, the emptiness in my chest hurt so badly. I couldn't imagine it would ever change into gratefulness or even joy. To be perfectly honest, it hasn't. The pain has lessened though. I don't feel as empty. I have hope and I am anxious to see just what this plan is. I'm excited to find out what He has planned not just for me, but for the precious little ones I would give my life for.
Papa has been slowing revealing parts of His plan to me this week. He has told me that He has chosen and sent us EXACTLY where He wants us. He has placed us right where we are supposed to be, no matter how awful, painful, or conflicted it may seem. In fact, He placed us there because of the pain, conflict, and darkness there might be because He wants us to spread His light in this area, place, and within these people. We are His candles. We are to burn powerfully and brightly for Him, to represent Him. We are NOT supposed to let this flame we are ignited with, weaken or go out. I don't know what specifically I am supposed to do... He is still showing me. But I do know that maybe my sister and her kids were removed from my life here in Colorado and placed waaay up North because he wants to use them in Maine. Maybe He needs them to burn passionately there. And just maybe, He is going to place other people- kids- in my life that I can share my flame with. We are not called to burn together and just together. If we were, why would we have our own individual flame? No. We are called to bur our own flames because then we can spread the light EVERYWHERE. Through all the storms we face to all the castles that have crumbled to all of the all the icy cold waves that take our breath away. We still burn. How? Because we are safe in His arms.
So as I wait the (still long) 40 more days til I get to hold them again, I am choosing to use that time to burn in whatever way He wants me to. I am also choosing to take my flame to Maine and use it however I can during the 10 days I will be there.
“You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven." - Matt 5:14- 16 (Message)
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